


weary, but I cannot lay me down

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: F/M, FE Rarepair Week 2018, Goodbyes, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Loss, Post-Game(s), Rebuilding, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, Unspoken Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 17:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15515202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Every day spent in the land he ruined was a day too long, and every moment spent by her side fills him with a joy he doesn't deserve.





	weary, but I cannot lay me down

**Author's Note:**

> fe rarepair week 3 - goodbyes
> 
> Title comes from "Man's Road," from The Last Unicorn soundtrack. I felt it fit Knoll's character overall.

The reconstruction of Grado had only been a distraction, and just barely. With every person healed, every building constructed, every plant grown all he could think of was Prince Lyon and how he should have been there alongside them. How he should be the one sitting on the throne, sending aid to the villages.

Grado was without a ruler. The king had no other children, and Prince Lyon had felt himself too unworthy to marry and have an heir. No matter how much they rebuilt, Grado would never truly be Grado again, and Knoll blamed himself. _If I'd just prepared him to rule instead of aiding in his desperate studies, if I hadn't let him look into the future, if I'd tried to help him gain confidence..._ The landslide had, indeed, happened, and he didn't blame those who said it was Grado's divine punishment.

His only comfort was the company of Natasha, the gentle but driven cleric who had questioned his studies but made the effort to understand. Who had guided him towards her faith, reassured him when things looked their bleakest. Held his hand and listened when he spoke of his guilt and self-doubt.

"One day at a time," she would say. "You're with us, and together, we'll keep Grado safe. We'll carry out the dreams of Prince Lyon and Emperor Vigarde."

_They_ would, perhaps. Her, General Duessel, Amelia, Cormag, all of them strong and determined and full of hope. _But all I am is a man who should have died long ago, and perhaps it would have been for the best._

Natasha's presence was the only thing keeping his darker thoughts at bay, and who knew how long that would last? Every day he fell more and more in love with her, even knowing he didn't deserve to. Every day spent in the land he ruined was a day too long, and every moment spent by her side fills him with a joy he doesn't deserve.

When the restoration was complete, he knew it was time for him to move on. To where, he didn't know. Maybe he'd wander lost and alone until he died, or maybe he'd take on a new name and build a life far away from here.

Natasha saw him off the day he left. After going back and forth on whether or not to tell her, he decided it would be too cruel to disappear and let her fear the worst.

"I suppose there's no way I can convince you to stay with us," she murmured as they reached the border. Her tone suggested sorrowful acceptance rather than hope.

"This is for the best." His satchel was light, with only the provisions he'd need as well as his personal savings and a gem or two he'd recovered from the castle. He'd be able to live lightly, at least for the next several years. "It's...it's too hard to stay, when I remember..."

"Even though I wish you would," Natasha said, "I do understand. You...were closer to Prince Lyon than any of us."

"It's too hard not to think of what I wish had been," he sighed. "Sister Natasha...thank you. For staying by my side through all of this, for listening to me...for everything." He took her hands and squeezed them. "I..."

"Knoll." She stepped forward, pressed her lips lightly to his, and his heart raced. "In case I never see you again," she whispered, her cheeks flushed. "Knoll, please, be well. I hope that wherever you go, whatever you do, you find the peace that you deserve." Her voice seemed to catch in her throat, but she still smiled.

"I hope so, too."

He dared one last glance over his shoulder as he walked away, so that even as Grado faded into the distance with every step, her face would remain etched into his memory.


End file.
